Each year ShopInPrivate.com publishes a roundup of unique and bizarre products that would make utterly horrible Christmas gifts. ShopInPrivate.com sells weird and often hilarious items, which can be a delight to shop for. After perusing the site for a few minutes, it is not uncommon for customers to experience nagging thoughts such as, "How weird would it be to buy my wife an arousal pill for Christmas?" or "Will my friends think this vulva puppet is as hilarious as I do?" We have the short answers for you: Very weird, and NO.
ShopInPrivate.com is an awesome place to shop for solutions to embarrassing problems, in an ultra-private environment. ShopInPrivate.com never emails you after the sale, and we never add you to any lists. We ship and bill just as discreetly. We offer some products that make good Christmas gifts (like electric shavers and high-end massagers) but if you give the people on your list any of the following items, you'll be fired from Xmas immediately.
And now, the Worst Christmas Gifts of 2013:
- Fantasy Football Stroker - This football-shaped masturbator is a joke until he starts using it. After all, what’s scarier than losing your husband’s heart and soul to football season? Losing his penis too.
- Glow In the Dark Lube - Glow in the Dark Lube sounds like a fun time, right? Wrong. Glow-in-the-Dark personal lubricant seems like the first step on the path to a mutant-strain vaginal infection. Plus, we can’t tell if the packaging on this lubricant is a big joke or not. Non-toxic? Natural? What, is it made of lightning bugs?
- Monistat Chafing Relief Gel - Monistat Chafing Relief Gel is a ointment that helps women avoid inner thigh chafing, but it enjoys a secret life as a makeup primer. Many women recommend this gel to their friends in lieu of an expensive makeup base. However, buying vaginal chafing cream for anyone is just awkward, regardless of what you try to convince them its "true purpose" is.
- The Vulva Puppet - The Vulva Puppet is a plush puppet, shaped like a vulva. You might think your feminist wife will give you points for presenting her with the Vulva Puppet, but she will end up using it to teach your two-year-old everything about sex. It's not worth it.
- A Travel Bidet - Oh, the bidet. The French are really onto something when it comes to butt hygiene. Who doesn't love a splash of warm water on their sensitive areas? The Travel Bidet has a misleading name, however. This is an enema that attaches to a faucet. A little water on the bum is different than a lot of water up the bum ... trust us.
- Strawberry Masque Strips - The Strawberry Masque Strips mask the taste of semen, so your wife can finally swallow your load. Can you think of a more thoughtful gift?
- Almighty BodiSpa Massager - You might think you're buying your grandparents a body massager. In reality, you're buying them a high-powered masturbation tool.
- Butt-Toning Slippers - When you buy a woman butt-toning slippers, you are telling her her butt needs toning. Don't start that conversation.
- The Go Girl - Allows Women to Pee Standing Up - Just because she is jealous that guys get to pee standing up, does not mean she wants a strange contraption that will allow her to do so.
- Hair Growing Laser Comb - Getting a man a hair growing comb means you would really like it if he had more hair. Unless you'd like him to get you Butt-Toning Slippers, just don't get him this gift.
ShopInPrivate.com is the world’s most private store. We sell anything that would be embarrassing to buy in person. If you have an embarrassing condition that needs attention, you can shop in private for a cure at ShopInPrivate.com. The purchase will be easy, delivery will be fast, and we hold your personal information in the strictest of confidence.
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