Don’t you just love holiday traditions? Caroling, decorating the tree, drinking enough eggnog to make it through a few days with your in-laws... what a merry time. Here at ShopInPrivate.com, we have a holiday tradition of our own. Every Christmas, we present the ten worst things you could give someone as a Christmas gift from our website. We don’t presume to know why you would want to give someone such a horrible gift - maybe they’ve been a pain in the butt all year and you want revenge, or maybe you just have a really sick sense of humor - but no matter what your reasoning, you can find a truly terrible gift at ShopInPrivate.com. Without further ado, the Ten Worst Christmas Gifts of 2016:
10. Hair Reduction Serum
- Remember, the proper greeting for the season is “Merry Christmas,” not “You’re Really Hairy Christmas.”
9. Certain Dri
- If you get someone Certain Dri as a present, you can be Certain they’ll be taking you off their Christmas list for next year.
8. Summer’s Eve Douche
- This Christmas, give her the gift every woman dreams of... what? Diamonds? No, of course that’s not what we’re talking about. Why would you think that? The git every woman dreams of is clearly vaginal irrigation. Duh.
7. Mr. Thick Dick Penis Enlargement Cream
- Because the only thing worse than insinuating someone has a small penis is insinuating they have a small penis by giving them an enlargement cream that absolutely will not work.
6. Vulva Pinkening Cream
- This bizarre cream from China supposedly makes your vulva pinker and “makes lips mette and shing,” whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean. We definitely wouldn’t want to put this stuff anywhere near our vulvas, and if you give this to a woman as a gift, she definitely won’t want to put you anywhere near herself.
5. Sex for Dummies
- This one kind of speaks for itself. “Merry Christmas, you’re a complete moron when it comes to sex!” is not exactly a good way to spread holiday cheer.
4. Hairy Pocket Pussy
- This takes the already kind of unsettling concept of a pocket pussy and dials the “ick” factor up to eleven by adding some stringy fake hair all around it. If you’re trying to gross someone out, this is one of the best things you could possibly give them. If you’re trying to give them a good Christmas present, it’s one of the worst.
3. Giant Butt Plug
- The best way to call someone a giant asshole since they invented saying “Hey, you’re a giant asshole” right to their face. Actually, it might be an even better way than that. Not a great way to show someone you care about them and wanted to get them a present, though.
2. Donald Chump Love Doll
- A great way to offend anyone, no matter what their political affiliation. If they voted for him, they’ll be offended at the sight of him as a sex doll. If they voted against him, they won’t want another reminder that he exists. It’s a lose-lose!
And finally, the Worst Christmas Gift of 2016...
1. Pussy Juice
- The name alone secured Pussy Juice as the #1 worst Christmas gift of the year, by far. But when you realize what this product actually is, it gets even worse. Pussy Juice is vagina-scented lubricant. Yep. Why the hell would anyone ever need a vagina-scented lube? That’s almost as good a question as the one your friend will be asking themselves when they open up your Christmas present and find this inside: why the hell did they ever think you were their friend in the first place? About ShopInPrivate.com
ShopInPrivate.com is the world’s most private store. We sell anything that would be embarrassing to buy in person. If you have an embarrassing condition that needs attention, you can shop in private for a cure at ShopInPrivate.com. The purchase will be easy, delivery will be fast, and we hold your personal information in the strictest of confidence. We just want you to remember that some items are best purchased for oneself.